Kismet of Submission: Episode 10

Such a simple word—confidence—something Tamara has never had: A word no one has ever spoken in the context of her. How can Sir casually lob a verbal grenade and not be aware of how she feels? When she looks at him, his expression is relaxed. He nods towards Susan, and raises his eyebrows as if to say, ‘go on, she won’t bite.’ Tamara nervously wipes damp palms on new skirt and approaches with a sense of dread. Susan smiles with a knowing mien and enfolds Tamara into a comforting embrace.

Sir is discretely out of earshot, but we unabashedly eavesdrop on the ensuing conversation. It raises a salient query however, how much honesty is required or even desired in a relationship as short term as this one? Where is the tipping point of safety that allows the social masks to be set aside and the true—or at least truer—feelings to be trotted out for examination? Some of we readers undoubtedly will state unequivocally and emphatically: Never! Trust is extremely hard to gain, and so easily lost, that most of us hold our secrets forever locked inside fragile psyches.

‘How did you know you were submissive?’

‘May I ask your name?’

‘It’s Tamara.’

‘Thank you. Well, Tamara, I only allowed my submissiveness to manifest when I found my Mistress. I wasn’t looking, at all; but there She was, and every hardship and mistake I’d ever made, melted away under Her gaze. Everything before, every relationship, my two marriages, friends and family: none of that mattered any longer. It was as if I shrugged off my past like a discarded skin and stepped out as a butterfly with wet wings and an overriding need to fly. It felt right. It felt perfect. I fell, I crashed into love with Her, and the rest has been unlearning my rote responses to stimuli.’

‘I don’t feel anything. Well, that’s not true. I feel lust, but mostly fear and self-loathing at the pitiful person I’ve become.’

‘May I ask why?’

‘Because I’ve spent my entire life, starting as a small child, knowing that men, mostly men, are both stronger and abusive to those they claim as their own. To me, being meek and quiet hasn’t saved me from violence. If anything, I equate submissiveness with goading abusers into escalating acts of cruelty trying to get a reaction and break the will of their prey. I’m terrified of being a victim again. I can’t trust my judgment. When Sir tells me I’m beautiful or smart or confident, I want to curl up into a little ball and hide from the beating I know is coming. I can’t be a submissive. I can’t let someone control me again. I can’t.’

Sir rises to his feet and pads silently towards them. He senses Tamara’s rising agitation in her posture and wild gesturing on the edge of hysteria.

‘Has he asked?’

‘Not in so many words, but I kn—’

Her tirade is cut off when she feels his hand on the back of her neck. She instinctively hunches forward.

‘Relax,’ he whispers, and slowly, with firm pressure, glides his palm down her spine until he cups her right buttock and gently squeezes. ‘I’m going to sit back down, Tamara. I haven’t heard anything you’ve said. You’re safe with me.’ He pats her left butt cheek and kisses the back of her head.

He leaves as quietly as he came.

‘Tamara. I will not deny that there are predators, of both sexes, who stalk and sometimes kill those whom they perceive as weaker. I also completely understand the fear you feel when in the presence of such a strong Dom. Sir reminds me a bit of Mistress. Self-contained, poised, empathetic, and most importantly, radiating a powerful aura of protection and compassion. If you decide to stay with him, Tamara, I am confident, that he will not demand your submission, but offer you his dominance as a gift. We submissives are not helpless waifs in the clutches of demonic humans. No, when the right Dom comes along, you will fall to your knees not in fear, but in joy that you have been chosen to receive the wondrous pleasure and pain they bestow.’

‘I only met him yesterday, Susan, and he scares the crap out of me.’

‘Then why do you wish to stay?’

‘Because he’s holding out a hand of friendship to me and I don’t want to let go.’

Susan grips Tamara’s hands and gives them a slight shake. She raises her voice and calls out, ‘Sir, what are your intentions towards this lady?’

‘My intentions are to show Tamara that there is another way, a better way to live in respectful harmony without fear. With her permission, I will slowly reveal the positive aspects of D/s and explain why so many people practice a style of obedience that, on the surface, may seem to victims and survivors, more of the same BS. I vow to you both, that my intentions are to bring you, Tamara, joy and love through submission.’

Is that a wistful sigh I hear from the readers? Or: riiiiiight. I suppose it depends on your personal experiences. But then again: Isn’t that true of everything? Our little bubbles we live in don’t allow for possibilities outside our awareness. D/s raises the hackles in a primal fashion and like the proverbial snake in the grass, we automatically assume it’s poisonous.

To read all the Kismet of Submission episodes in order, please go to this page for individual links.