Kismet of Submission: Episode 22

The glow of the spanking has faded — not the soreness but the sense of being taken away from problems that have always been intractable. Tamara sits in his car and waits for Sir to finish the checkout procedure. He has the keys. The parking lot is nearly full, only a few lights show behind curtained windows. She’s beginning to recognize the disquiet she feels is not due to the situation she’s tumbled into, but the physical distance that separates them. It’s very disconcerting to realize she’s become dependent on Sir’s calm and steady demeanor and that without being in his close proximity, all the harmful habits of the past cannot be kept at bay for long.

When he strides through the sliding close doors as they majestically sweep aside as if he’s royalty, Tamara’s heart thumps with joy and relief. Eagerness like she’s never felt before causes a broad happy grin to light up her mood. She even remembers to pop open the locks before he can press the remote.

‘All set, Sir?’ she bubbles after he tosses his luggage in the trunk and buckles his seatbelt.

‘Yep. No problem. I always get a bit paranoid when I check out thinking I’ve left stuff behind in my room, but I doubled checked my bags and made sure I had my laptop… and the paddle.’

‘That would be a tragedy, Sir.’

‘I know. All my manuscripts are on the hard drive, although I have a flash stick at home.’

‘I meant the paddle, Sir.’

‘I see. Grown attached to the little guy?’

Tamara blushes and squirms in her seat; the soreness in her bottom feels so good. She wants another spanking before it fades. Even this brief conversation is enough to dampen her thighs. The lack of underwear is going to be a problem at this rate. ‘I never knew spanking could feel so good.’ She glances out the window at the deserted streets and stores. Sunday morning and they have the city to themselves. ‘You’ve found something in me I didn’t know existed, Sir. I have this desire…’

Waiting at a red light, Sir glances over at Tamara. She’s still staring out the side window apparently deep in thought. ‘I have desires too.’

The light turns green. The restaurant is only a few miles ahead, off the main drag near the convention center. According to the flyer in the hotel guide, it’s an independent breakfast/lunch diner more typical of small-town America. Sir has already mentally placed his order, but is also willing to read the entire menu in case they serve something a bit more exotic than eggs and hash browns.

‘Are your desires… dark?’

‘Most people would consider my desiring to spank women plenty dark. Abusive and misogynistic for starters.’

Tamara turns and studies his profile. She observes his eyes as they flick from side view to rearview mirror and back to the front in a steady pattern. She gets the sense that little escapes his notice. ‘I can see that. Before you sat at my counter and treated me with respect, I assumed all men were jerks — or worse. I guess what I’m trying to say, Sir, is that your ‘attitude?’ — maybe that’s the wrong word, but your confidence and your compassion towards me has unlocked stuff I never imagined wanting.’

‘Dark desires?’

‘Yeah. Very, very dark desires.’

‘You want to talk about it?’

‘Yes… but later, it’s too scary right now to even contemplate.’

‘Well, if it’s any consolation, Tamara, there is a vast difference between having dark desires and actually acting upon those fantasies. Whether or not we ever act upon those needs, or even talk about them, utilizing the darkness to arouse and comfort is not wrong in any way. Honesty and communication — or honest communication  — is one of the cornerstones of D/s.’

Tamara digests this lecture as he pulls the car in front of the restaurant and finds a parking space near the front door. After he shuts the engine down, but before he gets out, she asks one final question. ‘Do you enjoy hurting me, Sir?’

He shifts his torso and looks directly at her. ‘Yes, Tamara, I do.’ He pauses before continuing. ‘But my darkest desire is to hurt you knowing you crave the pain more than anything else.’

Luckily for us there are two booths empty back-to-back. We slip into one as they are sitting down across from each other. Sir mentions they have forty-five minutes: “Should be enough time.” Tamara replies: “Only if the kitchen is efficient.” After they order but before the food comes, Sir checks his phone and Tamara twiddles her thumbs. The darkness is lingering but it’s clear that Sir is not going to follow up with his last comment at this time. While we wait though, the topic of sadism and masochism is not so neat as the acronym BDSM would imply. As readers, we are exposed to far more sadism in prose than submission. One can make the argument — and this narrator does — that the ultimate representation of sadism is the high body counts in mainstream movies. Why killing hundreds in gruesome and graphic detail on film is tolerated and even enjoyed, while sex and authentic D/s is censored and protested is one of the worst aspects of free speech.

‘Did you say something, Sir?’

‘Hmmm?’

To read all the Kismet of Submission episodes in order from the beginning, please go to this page for individual links. As an FYI, this series, Kismet of Submission, will conclude by the end of the year. I will be pulling the posts at that time, and then continuing to write a full-length novel starring Sir and Tamara for publication in either 2018 or 2019.

2 Comments

  1. What an interesting episode, with the narrator as on form as ever.

    I have very strong empathy with Tamara here, throughout this piece. Reliance on someone – needing someone – can be scary; it can be a terrifying, or wonderful, part of a relationship, and transition from one mindset to the other can be confusing, among many other things.

    I also understand her questioning Sir’s liking for hurting her. My views of spanking and submission have altered and morphed dramatically, and I empathise with her need to ask the question. Indeed, I admire her for asking. And Sir – in his typical manner – leaves me as intrigued as ever. I want to know about his dark side.

    (And patience being something I strive towards and frequently fail miserably at, I would just like to politely point out that now there are seven whole days to wait and find out what Sir said… *rolls eyes*).

    Like

    • It’s like chocolate, someones’ dark is plain milk. The conversation is authentic in a fictional sense. Very few people can be that honest in real life. D/s is very good way to foster honesty and experimentation. Tamara wants to change, but is more afraid of letting go of the abusive past, than of nebulous goals that Sir has promised to guide her towards.

      Liked by 1 person


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