Month: March 2019

V is for Violent

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A violent thunderstorm. A violent earthquake. A violent eruption.

A violent spanking?

Using or involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. Middle English (in the sense ‘having a marked or powerful effect’): via Old French from Latin violent– ‘vehement, violent.’

To non-practitioners, BDSM is often linked with domestic violence. To many, there is no possible consent when it comes to using physical force intended to hurt. Yes, spankings hurt. So do floggings, canings, whippings, paddlings, tawsings, and the occasional wooden spoon and other handy household implements. But intending to hurt, depends on the intent. Simply stating “please spank me”, does not give anyone the right to do so in a reckless and violent manner. D/s is a serious business.

I don’t think anyone who loves BDSM would consider themselves or what they do to be violent. By the strictness of definitions, a spanking involves force whether by hand over-the-knee or tied to a bench and caned. Unless the spanked doesn’t have a functioning nervous system, then it will hurt to some degree depending on the boundaries previously established and the level of consent given by all involved parties. Having said that, the intersection between hurting violence and damaging violence is where a consensual relationship meets law enforcement.

It is never alright to force someone into submitting against their will. It is never alright to physically or mentally abuse someone without their knowing consent and cooperation. It is never alright to be violent for violence’s sake.

And lastly: Self-violence may be a sign of serious health issues and should not be taken lightly.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

U is for Unstable

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Two of the most powerful forces in the universe are chaos and entropy. When it comes to D/s, it often seems that those forces are the only ones that matter. When combined, chaos and entropy lead to the inclination to simply give up and stop trying. Being unstable is a physical law of systems both comprehensible and complex, and the most challenging of those is likely the human brain.

Unstable: prone to psychiatric problems or sudden changes of mood. Middle English: from Anglo-Norman French, from Latin stabilis, from the base of stare ‘to stand.’ Un-: Old English, of Germanic origin; from an Indo-European root shared by Latin in- and Greek a- .

We are all unstable in some way. Internally we often feel inadequate or outright fraudulent when going through our daily lives. We crave stability, but tend to be knocked around by events not within our control. Even our own moods and mind seem to spin like a galaxy no matter how disciplined we pretend we are. You can certainly put forth the argument that the ‘natural’ state of being for humans, is to be unstable. A blissful and centered existence is the unicorn here.

So the question perhaps is: Are those involved in BDSM more or less unstable than the mean? And what is the mean? If everyone is prone to some level of psychiatric problems, then what use is the word normal? Or: Are sudden mood changes helped with a healthy dose of discipline? Does D/s cure instability?

I haven’t posted in three months. Haven’t written a word. Felt unstable, often extremely so every day. It’s a struggle, and at some point, I may finally learn to stop wrestling with my reflection because neither of us can pin the other. I guess that’s the entire point of D/s.

Surrender.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane