This is not fiction.
For those that believe a M/s or any D/s relationship grows spontaneously, communication is the key in both directions. Anything else is merely abuse. LS
The hardest thing for a dominate male to understand is the female’s desire to submit. In today’s society, a woman who submits is considered weak and a failure. True submission means allowing the needs to surface without guilt and stress. The worst thing women do is to doubt themselves and become bitter and nasty. Every woman is precious and deserves a man who will nurture her dreams and discipline her when she hates her body, her clothes, her hair, etc. LS
With few exceptions it is always the woman who initiates the topic of spankings in a relationship. Many marriages reach a point after 20-30 years when the wife decides she is unhappy. Not necessarily unhappy with her husband, but unhappy with her life. Something is missing.
Spankings fall into several distinct categories:
There is however no clear-cut reason a wife will suddenly – from the male perspective – desire to be spanked. If a man is worth anything as a husband, a father, a lover, then he will react in only one way.
“You want me to beat you?”
Spanking ≠ Abuse
It can obviously. Spousal abuse, rape, murder is an all too often occurrence in all cultures in all countries and physical beating is part of the equation. So for a loving spouse to be asked to spank his previously strong wife is rather frightening.
If your wife asks to be spanked, you will ask why. She may not be able to answer. At the root of her request is a desire to submit coupled with a desire to relinquish responsibility. She trusts you completely, if she didn’t, she would never have dared asked to be spanked. For a woman, being spanked by her dominant partner engenders a sense of peace, calm acceptance of her place in the marriage.
Not at first.
She will fight back. She will demand to back out of the agreement. She will never submit willingly to being punished. But on occasion, as the man, you will have to punish your wife. It will hurt you both, but it must be done in order to move beyond the deed.
Discipline is different. It can be regular maintenance or specific spankings linked to chores, tasks or body image. Discipline is what most women imagine when being spanked by their husbands. They want to be motivated and held accountable for failing. Many women believe they are failures.
Do not let your wife get away with self-hatred. Spank her hard and often until she accepts your unconditional love.
As the husband it is your duty to nurture your wife, not only with love and respect, but with clearly defined structure and consequences. Spanking should always be the last resort, but if needed, then spank with purpose. She cannot be allowed to slid back into unhappiness and depression. Help her grow by warming her bare bottom whenever you decide it’s warranted.
I’m so sending this Greg’s way. Thanks so much for posting the academic aspects. I really appreciate it. I have too much punishmentality to go long without feeling … the obvious.
It’s the self-esteem getting you in trouble. 🙂
Yes that and he refuses to be told he’ll be doing something – so sharing my needs translates into you’re trying to get me to do something I’ll do when I do it 😦 We’re talking total Dom here – who does need to hear me & not think I’m (but I am) trying to get him to do something… it’s a neat little cluster (of) futility (excuse the swearing inuendos – but I’m rather frustrated)
[This is for KayLynn]
It’s his responsibility to meet your needs. He needs to sit down and listen, rather than being all Dommy and strict.
You have to open up emotionally and tell him, if not in speech, then in written words, exactly what you need and why.
LV, nicely put, and very true I believe.
True, but not often practiced, humans being what they are.
Communication is always key even if it means repetition until the point is made clear. I am one of those who crave/need discipline, punishment and pain (although pain can also be my pleasure) and there are times I need to remind Master of this when He gets caught up in the daily stresses of life. Its not that He slacks or doesn’t care its just a matter of if I don’t express exactly what/when I need something, how else would He know?
I think we sometimes forget that no matter how much our SO knows us or for how long, they are not mind readers 🙂
Very true Sephani. In any dynamic relationship the communication is vital in establishing needs and desires.
I am curious how you differentiate between punishment and discipline, as you list them separately here.
Great question and the answer could be an entire blog. 🙂
Punishment is for specific events and is meant to hurt both physically and mentally. Punishment is a price paid for making an error in judgment despite and in spite of knowing the consequences for misbehaving. Punishment is not the result of bratting however.
Discipline is best recognized in the sense of achievement. As in ‘she was disciplined enough to run a marathon’, ‘meditating took self-discipline’, ‘not eating all the muffins was a sign of a disciplined mind’. Discipline is an incentive, a reward, a motivation to do better in very detailed goals. They can be goals based on relationships, personal or spiritual growth, professional career, the list is endless.
The key is how those involved feel. If you feel punished, then you were punished. If you feel disciplined, then you were disciplined. It’s all in the perspective: bottom up or hands down. 😉
Bravo, the best clarification of the difference between punishment and discipline I’ve seen.
Thank you CD. I should charge for my advice.
“Every woman is precious and deserves a man who will nurture her dreams and discipline her when she hates her body, her clothes, her hair, etc.”
– ❤️ This. Daddy’s discipline has saved my life more than once so far. I don’t know how I’ll journey towards recovery from BPD without him.
It’s a reset and a way of providing strict boundaries and healing.
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