The fine line between pleasure and abuse

Several recent posts have got me thinking. The first is by Jean Marie of the blog Butt Stuff, called

“Lost In Thought”.

The second is by missy of her blog submissy, and is called “Break me and make me yours ~ submissive self”.

Both are written from a female submissive point-of-view, but one is fiction and the other a personal essay. What connects them is both women want and need to be submissive, but the fiction shows that not all submissive relationships are based on communication and trust. The Dom in the story is portrayed as abusive and concerned only about punishment and his pleasure in using his wife’s holes.

The essay explains how this wife enters her submissive space by being taken there by her Dom. The pleasure she receives in submitting comes both from a mental headspace and physical discipline. She is a submissive who submits when, or only, the choice not to submit is firmly taken away. Not through violence or fear, but through trust and love.

So what do we make of these two posts? Jean Marie is a fairly new blogger who’s writing I really enjoy for the creativity and quality of prose. As well as profusion. Most of the posts express a “naked” desire to be spanked. Thrashed. Whipped. Punished. Fucked soundly after a hard beating. Is this submission? Is this abuse? Clearly pleasure, but as “Lost In Thought” states: not all spankings are warranted, and some fuckings are rape.

On the other hand, missy has been blogging for ages. If she were in the Middle Ages, she’d be using a goose feather quill on vellum to notate her musings. I have always felt an affinity for her erudite prose and have written many an essay and fiction prompted by her posts. To many, if not most, her feminist submission is at the very least offensive, if not downright naive.

I am not one of the many. I have great admiration for her honesty and commitment to her D/s.

But D/s is not built in a day, nor built “my way or the highway”. It takes lots of thoughts, and even more actions that waver between pleasure and potential abuse. Walking that path confidently and bravely is what makes or breaks a compact of discipline.