An issue that emerges constantly is the need to be spanked frequently, more often than he actually provides. Is it topping from the bottom when she needs daily whipping in order to function? I don’t believe it is. A submissive woman needs regular physical contact in order to validate her decision to submit to her dominant. Withholding spanking from her is perceived to be true punishment not simply because he’s not in the mood to whip.

If she’s not in the mood to be spanked, then is it abuse if he whips her anyway? That depends. What type of relationship do you want? Do you want to be controlled? To be supported? To be pampered? To run the house? To be a mother? To be tied up, gagged, plugged and whipped on a daily basis? It seems simple, spanking, but it’s not on many different levels. Being in charge is more than giving orders and obeying, it’s doing what is best for the relationship first and individuals second.

Not only is every submissive unique, so is every dominant. That fact seems to be lost in the desire to be spanked. What you need, what you may think you need is not always what a dominant needs or wants. Spanking daily can quickly become a chore: A source of discord between partners. Being submissive is not about being spanked, it’s about caring for your dominant and meeting his needs. If he needs you to be calm, then be calm. If he wants you to be bratty, then be bratty. Your needs are met by him being in the proper frame of mind. He can’t whip you if he thinks you are nagging him.

Why not? Because it’s aggravating to be asked to dominate and then be constantly challenged on every little decision. Either you submit within the context of your relationship and the rules created, or you constantly cheat trying to stay in control. If your dominant is worthy of your trust, then you have to trust he will treat you as you need, even if daily whipping doesn’t always happen. Concentrate on growing yourself within the boundaries you’ve both created and soon he will feel comfortable in providing frequent spanking.