Subs think too much

It’s the bane of Masters everywhere: A thinking submissive. Not that most Masters want a robot, they don’t, but many subs struggle with letting go.

To be in a D/s et all relationship requires – demands – the submissive truly submit. To give her/his very responses to the Master in return for… everything.

Masters want – demand – submission not because they desire total control [some do of course] over every aspect of the submissive’s life, but in order to help guide growth.

Why do you want to be a submissive in the first place?

To Top from the Bottom? That’s not submission, that’s a power struggle. If you have to think about your actions vis-à-vis His/Her desires then you’ve lost the charm of real submission. Giving up control in return for support goes beyond the norm for many, but for a thinking sub, the very act of submission causes the very worst of behaviors. Until a sub can stop thinking and simply do what needs to be done, they will be very unhappy.

This all presupposes the Master is worthy of your submission. A subject for another post.


  1. I’m wondering why all this sounds familiar… Because I’ve heard it all from Greg. “your job is to just “do”.” Yikes, it’s like stereo. I guess (I’m thinking that) You’re right (not that you needed my confirmation Master LS) But it goes right back to the essense of obediance – which I’m guessing I haven’t even spelled correctly. Just like the word grammar I misspelled… See a theme? I should think about this and get back to you ; )
    I will follow through on where I’m supposed to be right now though….


    • *To do* is to do what you want to do but are unable to do unless He tells what to do and you do what you need to do without questioning why you need to do whatever you need to do.



      • What if it’s voodoo, should I do that voodoo that I do so well?


  2. LS, I’m not sure that I entirely agree with your premise.
    Certainly the sub needs to have done a great deal of thinking before approaching a dom..
    I could scribe a long list of what they need to think about, but a couple will serve, they need to be very clear as to why they need enter the submissive life and they need to have a good idea of what sort of dominant they need.
    A sub that doesn’t think is nobodies blessing!!!
    Warm hugs,


    • Well Paul, what I mean by my premise is that subs think too much when it comes to following *orders*. To whit, when a Dom makes it clear what is expected and the sub challenges the premise, what the sub is really saying is they are not confident in their submission. They want reassurance and explanations.

      *Thinking* is not *intelligence*. In fact, the two have nothing in common.

      Either a submissive submits or they don’t. There is no hemming and hawing and thinking about what Master wants.



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  4. Hmm. Yes I believe that’s the ultimate goal, but it takes time and patience for the Trust to build enough to be able to let go, and I don’t think that makes you a bad submissive, I think that makes you a sensible human being.

    The quietening of my mind has always been why i have been a submissive, but that’s a process. I think in any relationship, people should protect themselves at first. Unless of course it’s a scene scenario or not 24/7, then you need to be able to just let go, but that’s not my thing.


    • Absolutely I agree that trust is always first and foremost the primary goal of submission. I was primarily referring to established D/s relationships in marriages among my readers. They were always complaining their Doms weren’t spanking them enough.


      • Ahh ok. That makes more sense with the context. All i know regarding that is (from a DDLG perspective) if I’m not getting spanked enough it’s my own fault for being too bratty. Any attention is good attention, and withdrawal of that is the worst punishment, and completely my own fault.


        • See, from a personal perspective, if you have to be bratty to be spanked, then your Dom is not taking care of your needs. I firmly believe in preemptive spanking before you have to resort to attention getting displays. Most spanked wives I know have a contract, verbal or written that specifies discipline and punishments for actions detrimental to their well-being and are given as soon as possible after the infraction. Weekly maintenance spankings are also highly recommended as a means of resetting both attitude and trust. You can’t top from the bottom, it will only make you miserable and withdrawn.

          Liked by 1 person

          • No sorry, I mean if I AM being bratty then the spanking is withheld, rather than being bratty to get it. In all honesty I don’t enjoy topping from the bottom, but I believe that comes from my issues with being able to be 100% vulnerable. For 6 months of the year we’re also in different countries, which makes it difficult for me. I’m hoping next year though, when we’re living together full time, I’ll be able to get over my brattiness because that’s what I want, I just have this frustrating mental block.


            • That sucks being apart. I hope it works out for you. Mental blocks are the worst. What I meant about being bratty, is that you should be spanked often enough so that you never have to get to that point. Hopefully that will happen sooner than later.


            • Ah I understand. Yes, a major thing I took from therapy is that attention seeking comes from a need not being met, and it’s not an intrinsically bad behaviour, you just need to work out what the need is and find a way to meet it. Hopefully he can work on helping me do that. Thankyou for the well wishes and the conversation! It was lovely to meet you.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you as well. You’re a good person, remember that. I really like you.

              Liked by 1 person

  5. I know this is an older post, but this is wonderful. I still struggle with letting go despite how badly I want to…thinking too much and comparison to others are my greatest downfall. I do not ever mean to top from the bottom, but my type-A personality shows up too often still. I want to give fully. Great post. I’m getting closer to where he and I both want us.


    • I have lots of older posts in the archives about this dynamic. It’s why I started blogging in the first place to explore why submission is so attractive. I tried to explain that submission to a Dom that is chosen is not surrender but rather an exchange whereby the sub gives to the Dom what both of them need w/o constantly second guessing the Dom’s choices. Keep in mind Marie, this does not mean you do nothing and simply wait, it means your thoughts are focused on him and how your submission makes the marriage fly. You lead with your submission and he leads with his dominance. They are not opposed but complementary. He desires your active submission because that frees him to dominate w/o worry.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much. You are very right about not waiting and doing nothing. I had done this in the very beginning, not exactly understanding that I needed to be proactive and also anticipate his needs and give freely of myself. I will most definitely read through more of the posts you have. They are very helpful. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

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