Submission without consent or choice is abuse

Three of my friend missy’s recent posts caught my eye.
“A Need for Domination”
“A Need for submission”

“People always are fixated on the body and forget that the mind is the ultimate sexual organ.”

That above was my comment on the humiliation post. She points out that for her, being Dominated helps her get into a submissive state, more than simply being submissive and waiting for Dominance.

She also writes about the roles of women in society, and how, in her words, her submissiveness is “letting the side down to others” who feel that being a feminist means never submitting to the patriarchal power of tradition.

My contention has always been that a submissive woman is a feminist because she is able and willing to choose submission on her own terms. It takes a strong and confident woman to ask to be spanked by her partner, male or female, even it she’s shaking and trembling inside with fear of rejection.

The flip side of course, and what gets the spanko community in trouble with the vanilla world, is because in real life, men dominate females everyday in horrific ways. From a wolf whistle on the street, to innuendos and touching in the workplace, to outright rape, violence in the home and murder. Many people cannot separate consensual spanking and domestic discipline with abuse and neglect by predatory males.

There is no simple answer unfortunately, when entire countries and religions are built around the systematic and systemic degradation of human beings who happen to have a vagina instead of a penis. Whether it is female genital mutilation, child marriage, honor killings, lack of education, healthcare, economic and political opportunities; there is a real and global-wide problem with the way women are treated by men.

The fact that I can write this and read missy’s posts about His Lordship dominating and humiliating her with and by her consent, should draw praise, not condemnation from people who should be focused on the real abusive situations, not peeping into the lives of those feminists who choose to submit.

10 thoughts on “Submission without consent or choice is abuse

  1. missy January 5, 2017 / 8:10 pm

    Thank you for posting this interesting piece. I agree with what you say and I think that perhaps some of the criticism that comes the way of couples who practise these sorts of things is that others feel it somehow threatens their own position. I don’t judge those in a vanilla relationship and say that I am happier than them. I simply say that I am happier than I was when I was in a vanilla relationship. This works for me. I think that it is easier for people to pick fault with things that don’t conform to what they find themselves doing, rather than to openly consider the gains to that couple. The people I know who comment here are very considered about their interactions with others. They think about their actions and reflect continually on their responses. I have given up trying to explain to deaf ears why I ‘would want to let him do that’ to me and decided to focus my energy on those who are open minded enough to listen, for those are the people I will learn from. Not only is my submission consensual, it is a gift I want to give. I am honoured that HisLordship has chosen to embrace it and consents to Dominate me in return.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lurvspanking January 5, 2017 / 9:07 pm

      I posted this because I have the utmost respect for you and your choice. Perhaps it is envy disguised as distaste when others seek to disparage your femininity. I view your submission as being a powerful and genuine manifestation of the progress that feminism has made in our lifetimes.

      An interesting sidebar, my younger brother by two years, was the first Lamaze baby born in our city and was on the front page of the newspaper.

      Times change, often for the better.

      Liked by 1 person

      • missy January 5, 2017 / 9:16 pm

        That is lovely of you to say. Thank you very much.


  2. thewriterkalibloom January 5, 2017 / 10:54 pm

    This is a discussion I have had with my sister before. She can’t understand how I can “want to be submissive” when she sees it as both abusive and anti-equality. I have never been able to fully articulate my reasonings the way you and Missy have, but I echo both of you. It is my choice, and in a consensual relationship, healthy. I do not condone the suppression of women at all (or of men either), much less their subjugation and abuse. I can be a feminist and be submissive to the man of my choosing. (And really, as long as I am happy and safe, does it matter?)

    There is a difference between submission and oppression.

    Liked by 2 people

    • lurvspanking January 5, 2017 / 11:19 pm

      I’m not really sure how you can tell her if she can’t get past her preconceived notions. The fact is that equality only exists if, submission is an actual choice and not ‘that’s how things are’. You choose to submit because your equality as a feminist allows to become what best fits your needs.

      Submission doesn’t equal suppression.

      Suppression equals abuse.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. missy January 6, 2017 / 6:49 pm

    I have two sisters and neither gets it. One said she could see how it would work but she wasn’t open to trying new things or putting his needs first and the other said she couldn’t see it although if she would quite like to whip her husband! Hmmmm – end of discussion re lifestyle choices.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lurvspanking January 6, 2017 / 11:32 pm

      Well, if the husband wants to submit, D/s works both ways.


      • missy January 6, 2017 / 11:35 pm

        I don’t think he does!


  4. Be Courageous and Fearless April 1, 2017 / 4:55 am

    There is a real and global-wide problem with the way women are treated by men.

    I totally agree with this.


Spank you very much

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