This post is only my opinion and is intended to be the basis for facilitating conversations about using therapeutic spankings in relationships.
I wrote the comment below on my post ‘For couples seeking spanking’ on 10/29/2009 in response to a question from a reader as to why I wrote that punishment and discipline were different.
“Punishment is for specific events and is meant to hurt both physically and mentally. Punishment is a price paid for making an error in judgment despite and in spite of knowing the consequences for misbehaving. Punishment is not the result of bratting however [unless specified in a contract]. Discipline is best recognized in the sense of achievement. As in ‘she was disciplined enough to run a marathon’, ‘meditating took self-discipline’, ‘not eating all the muffins was a sign of a disciplined mind’. Discipline is an incentive, a reward, a motivation to do better in very detailed goals. They can be goals based on relationships, personal or spiritual growth, professional career, the list is endless. The key is how those involved feel. If you feel punished, then you were punished. If you feel disciplined, then you were disciplined. It’s all in the perspective: bottoms up or hands down.”
One category of spankings I didn’t include though was therapeutic spankings. Some may argue that therapy spankings fall under discipline or maintenance but for the purposes of this post I will consider them to be separate.
Definition of Therapy: 1. the treatment of disease or disorders, as by some remedial, rehabilitating, or curative process: speech therapy.
2. a curative power or quality.
4. any act, hobby, task, program, etc., that relieves tension.
English Therapeutic first known use in 1646: [New Latin therapeuticus, from Greek therapeutikos, from therapeutēs, one who administers, from therapeuein, to serve, administer treatment, from theraps, therap-, attendant; see therapy
Therapy – for those who have gone through it – is very traumatic and spanking therapy should never be used in lieu of professional help nor should it ever replace the normal means of communication between partners. A therapeutic spanking is never, ever punishment and if after a session, the person receiving therapy feels punished then the spanker has fucked up big time and needs to do damage control immediately.
- The persons involved need to have clear expectations of the need for and the desired results of therapeutic spanking.
- Before attempting therapy there must be concise written instructions based around constraints of work, family etc.
- Spontaneous therapy should always occur within the established guidelines whenever possible.
- Choose a ritual that works for all partners concerned and follow without deviation once established.
- Use a timer for a standard 50-minute OTK session that involves both spanking and talking designed to help not hurt.
- The person requesting the therapeutic spanking should make an appointment as if it was a professional consultation even if it means taking time off from work.
- Choose a location – if possible – where spankings normally do not take place away from distractions.
- The participants must treat the appointment seriously and the spanker should role play rather than be the normal partner.
- The spankee must arrive five to ten minutes early and sign in for the session with the therapist.
- Dress as you would for a real therapy appointment and the spanker should be business professional.
- Start promptly and give full respect to the spankee at all times.
The Set up:
- The spanker should always welcome the spankee by their real name and ask them why they are there for therapy.
- The spankee should always feel safe enough to articulate the reasons and to request a therapeutic spanking.
- If the spankee cannot proceed at this point, do not continue with a spanking!
- It is the spanker’s responsibility to make sure that they listen, repeat and clarify each statement during therapy.
- Invite the spankee to remove clothing below the waist and lay over the spanker’s lap.
- On the floor at the spankee’s head should be a box of tissues and the timer already running.
- The spanker should have a notepad to write down the session as it happens.
- Begin the therapeutic spanking by repeating the reasons for the session.
- After the spankee finishes speaking the spanker should begin with a short hand spanking.
- Again, the goal is not to punish but to utilize spanking to break free mentally of whatever is stressing the spankee.
- The spanker should always use leading questions such as: ‘What is causing your stress? What changes can you make? Why does this make you so unhappy?”
- The spanker should pay close attention and spank harder as needed if progress is not being made in answering.
- ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’ are possible signs that the spankee is not feeling safe enough to reveal information.
- Repeat the leading questions(s) and offer suggestions based on experience of knowing your partner.
- Offer to use a mutually preselected implement to allow a harder spanking as a means of releasing blocked emotions.
- The spankee will nearly always accept the offer because they want to talk freely but cannot due to many reasons.
- It is the spanker’s responsibility to moderate the strength and frequency of blows and to use talking and positive feedback during implement usage.
- The goal is always to allow the spankee to concentrate on releasing the cause of seeking therapy rather than the pain of spanking.
- The emotional pain of memory, loss, lack of motivation or confidence is always greater than the pain in the bottom.
- Pain from a spanking fades quickly but the tangled mess that is our minds always remain pain filled.
- A positive session should always involve emotional release up to and including sobbing.
The After Care:
- When the timer goes off the therapeutic spanking is over.
- The spankee should remain over the lap for at least an additional five minutes.
- The spanker should apply lotion to the spanked areas but no sexual contact is allowed at any time.
- When the spankee is calm and no longer crying allow to stand and get dressed.
- Thank each other formally and hug.
- Make an appointment immediately for the next normally scheduled maintenance time to discuss session to make changes if needed.
In closing I would like to reiterate that therapeutic spankings should only be attempted in relationships that have a strong and stable foundation of mutual respect, dignity, discipline, communication and love for each other within the dominate/submissive dynamic. If you have found this article helpful and try a therapeutic spanking session I would be very interested in hearing your feedback.
LS aka Dr. Discipline
This is pretty heavy. Who knew it was so complicated??
Thanks, this post is based on actual experiences.
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I believe you. You seem like quite an expert!
Thank you, Jillian, that is very kind, but I would never be so arrogant as to claim an expert status at spanking. I learn every day from others online about how to spank.
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Isn’t it kind of a personal taste thing, though? Depends on what the spankee likes, yes?
Well, if you are talking about erotic/foreplay or fun spankings, then yes, the spankee’s likes are important.
Your question is very good and is why I always stress that communication is the #1 priority in therapeutic spankings and in general.
If you are asking about a D/s, DD or M/s relationship, then, no, personal tastes and likes of the spankee are not a priority. Consenting to a submissive lifestyle, means having no control over being spanked. The Dom decides where, when and how the spanking is given.
That doesn’t excuse brutality: In fact, a good D/s relationship is better than the best vanilla relationship. Reason being is that the Dom is now responsible for the likes and personal tastes of the submissive spankee and making sure they are satisfied, protected, loved, disciplined and nurtured.
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Based on the information, I see my interest as casual and definitely of the foreplay/fun variety. I enjoy the complete devotion of my partner, but I don’t want to be anyone’s pet. Structured relationships do not interest me. I need freedom and flexibility or I wilt. It takes a creative man, though to put the time and energy into these types of arrangements. Hats off to you, my friend.
Dear Dr. Discipline,
This article was very informative! Thanks for writing it 🙂
At this point I don’t think a session of therapeutic spanking session will help but also, I won’t dismiss it until I’ve tried it (multiple times)! I will show this to Daddy and see what he says.
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I need a spanking therapy. How to get a therapist for this