B is for Beaten

It is possible that some people believe the ‘B’ in BDSM, stands for ‘Beaten’. It is indubitably a harsher word than spanking, but on par with whipping, flogging, caning, scourging, and all the other delightful words humans have created to describe the act of physical chastisement. In D/s however, being beaten can describe an intricate and intimate dance. An artistic performance if you will.

“Why would you let him/her/they beat you? Are you crazy?”

No, actually. I’m quite sane.
Thank you for asking.

Beating — in whatever format it takes place — can be fun. It can be pleasurable. Or painful. For many, humiliation plays a vital role in intensifying the endorphin high. For some partner(s), being beaten is punishment. Punishment requested, often demanded, by the submissive. Being beaten cleanses the palate, clears the guilt and shame from wrong-doing. No matter what role it plays, playing a role in which beating takes center stage, allows the trust to become ever deeper.

But there is another definition more commonly utilized that explains why describing an over-the-knee, skirt up, panties down beating creates such a visceral reaction in relation to D/s. It is the zero-sum game we call competition. Humans are naturally competitive, but we all too often reduce that to a life-or-death equation. There can be only one winner in a contest between individuals, institutions, businesses, teams or nations.

I/we win. You lose. Nah-nah.

D/s is not a zero-sum game. (And no, I’m not talking about abuse and domestic violence.) D/s is about… well, whatever you want. Foreplay or role-play, a hobby or a lifestyle, it can be whatever you need so that all participants win.

Gold medals for everyone!

P.S. Just a thought for you: Why are male Doms viewed with suspicion, but female Dominatrices revered?

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

7 thoughts on “B is for Beaten

  1. fondles July 8, 2018 / 7:51 am

    “No matter what role it plays, playing a role in which beating takes center stage, allows the trust to become ever deeper.”


    Liked by 1 person

  2. missy July 11, 2018 / 8:24 pm

    An interesting thought. I also don’t think that ‘beating’ is used here in the same way but perhaps it is because I don’t move in the right circles. I know I was surprised when I first heard someone describe themselves as being beaten by their husband because the connotations here are not the same.


    • lurvspanking July 12, 2018 / 1:03 am

      I agree, missy, “beating” in any culture equates to fists and feet and malicious intent to maim. Which is why I used it in this instance. The connotations — as you say — are not the same in D/s. When you need a good beating, it’s with the cane and with full consent. People who don’t practice D/s may assume that you are a beaten woman. You are, but it’s what you want and need.

      Liked by 1 person

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