J is for Jaded

Sometime in the 14th century, the word ‘jade’ was coined to define a horse that was broken-down, vicious, or worthless. By 1524, that had expanded to a verb meaning: “to wear out by overwork or abuse.” It quickly morphed from there to include a disreputable woman or rarely a flirtatious girl as a ‘jade’. The verb added the sense of “being worn out” via the equine definition in 1600, and then became ‘jaded’ meaning: “made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by having or seeing too much of something.” by 1630.

Considering the life expectancy in the UK during that time was around 35, with likely 40% of the population dying before reaching adulthood, one wonders how anyone could have experienced such ennui as to need an entirely new vocabulary describing the human tendency to become easily bored. Perhaps it had more to do with Henry VIII and Elizabeth I and the vicious politics surrounding their courts, than tinkers and farmers struggling to survive.

Becoming jaded is the bane of BDSM. At the beginning, you’re all fired up to play and explore and test your stamina through convoluted games and scenarios. Life is marvelous and every new implement or toy simply sends the endorphins even higher. At some point though, you reach a plateau, that place where responding is a struggle, and finding time isn’t worth the trouble. Family and friends make demands and and your Dom’s commands lack zest. So you rest, and ponder if D/s is worth the tests. Stress rises until you feeling like shouting, but resort to pouting when all you need is a damn good spanking to snap you out of your funk.

But if that’s all D/s means to you, physical sensations and humiliating placations, then the seething emotions are not firmly planted in love and respect. For how can you be jaded when every devious smirk and sly touch sends your pulse pounding and clothes flying? Each encounter is unique, each growl is the very first time you felt submissive. Being jaded means you’re not connected to the now, to the essence of D/s in which you dance with your partner(s) in an intricate waltz of call and response.

Stop what you’re doing and look at each other. What do you feel? Make your choices, make them well.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

9 Comments

  1. Always such wonderfully wise, astute words from you. I think you’re absolutely right: staying in the ‘now’ in a relationship can be hard but it’s immensely important to retain its passion, its workings and its reason for being in your life. Love and respect should be paramount in any relationship, D/s or otherwise, and with that naturally comes the desire to ensure it remains and continues to grow into the kind of relationship you want. But it is important to pause and take stock of your feelings, as you recommend. Only that way can you tell if the relationship you’re immersed IN needs work ON it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Ina. The more we know and ‘see’ in the world, the more we demand results w/o doing the work necessary for achievement. We worship those at the pinnacle and ignore the dedication and training required to become an ‘instant’ success.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t commented in recent posts – but i just HAD to say I love this one quite a lot. It’s so relevant and so true. And sooo many blogs I’ve read recently have sounded like the subs have gotten bored, they’re needing their Doms to be ‘more’ dominant, to be ‘always’ dominant. I feel a sense of a longing for escalation. It puzzles me. It really does. 6 years later (ok, not that long by some standards, but seems long enough to me!) when BIKSS says “Daddy’s little girl?” and looks straight at me with those eyes, I melt all over again. And I tingle. And I respond my usual, but in no way, mundane, way… “me..”.

    And I feel the same feelings as the first time he said those words to me. Oh… happy sighs.

    Like

  3. I love this. And the fact that you snuck in a good old spanking to sort everything. Seriously I think these are wise words and will think carefully. What you say about finding the connection and keeping it there makes so much sense 😊

    Liked by 1 person

Spank you very much

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