I is for Indignant

Two things came to mind when I picked this word. The first being the childhood mantra we all utter at some point: “It’s not fair!” The second being a distinctive sniff followed by: “Well. I never!”

Both phrases encompass the definition, but one is inward and the other not. (Feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment.) While it’s true that unfair treatment — perceived or otherwise — is a staple of growing up, by the time we reach adulthood, that anger is more often directed at causes than at personal circumstances. Interestingly, the root word from Latin is spelled the same and stems from ‘not worthy’ as indignus, to ‘regarding as unworthy’ as indignant. The problem is of course, what defines as unfair? While we cling to the notion that justice is blind, humans are most certainly not and given any issue, you’ll find indignant people on all sides.

Is BDSM unfair? Typically you have a Top and bottom, or Dom and sub, and that appears on the surface to be inherently unbalanced; even cruel. But you can’t be indignant about BDSM or those that partake in the lifestyle unless you can prove it’s abusive, illegal or unjust. You may be personally offended by spanking, or bondage etc, but claiming indignation on behalf of the perceived ‘victims’ of D/s, falls well short of any legal proof of harm. If you’re indignant over tattoos, piercings, baggy pants, loud music or any other aspect of someone’s appearance or activities, then you are using the word incorrectly.

There is a darker side to being indignant though, and that links to the emotions of both Dom and sub when they feel unworthy of each other. When self-confidence wavers — or does not exist — the discipline and domination that is the hallmark of D/s, can turn toxic in an instant. What was agreed upon treatment becomes unfair. What was a partnership, becomes two hostile camps and the bonds are dissolved. BDSM is not static, and if you find yourself indignant due to actions by your Dom or sub, it is past time for a frank conversation about needs and wants.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

H is for Horrendous

It should come as no surprise that horrendous comes from the same root word as, horrible, horrid, horrific and horror. That word is horrere, Latin meaning: ‘tremble, shudder, (of hair) stand on end.’ The contemporary definition is: ‘extremely unpleasant, horrifying, or terrible.’

Hair standing on end though can result from many different things. Fright, yes, but also emotions such as awe, arousal, happiness and the awareness of being attracted to someone. For many, that feeling occurred the first time they realized an aspect of BDSM was the missing piece in their life. What happened from there depends on whether or not — horrendous — is as negative as its definition.

Extremely unpleasant: not only unpleasant, but extremely. That seems a bit… extreme. Horrifying: that seems a bit more understandable, considering how successful roller-coasters and horror movies have always been. Terrible: a little weak; a meal can be terrible as can a traffic jam.

When it comes to D/s, the area I like to focus on is spanking. Straightforward, over-the-knee, skirt up, panties down spanking. Can that experience ever be called horrendous? 🙄 Of course it can, ladies and gentleman of all persuasions. {Keep in mind always, that I only write about consensual spanking between legal adults in the jurisdiction of your domicile.} Grabbing someone and flailing away as if trying to swat a mosquito seldom leads to a happy ending. A spanking received by someone who is clueless and unaware of the nuances can be extremely unpleasant.

By the same token, a spanking delivered by a “professional” — any Dom in good-standing may rightly claim this address — can also be extremely unpleasant when circumstances warrant. The difference is that in this case, the recipient knows full well they deserved a ‘damn good thrashing’ and can count themselves fortunate that the chastisement wasn’t longer and harder.

There is nothing more horrifying than your Dom stating, quite calmly and pragmatically, the whys, wheres and hows of your transgression and then pointing out, “you’ve earned every stroke with your — fill-in-the-blank — behavior.” Your stomach starts flip-flopping and you break out in a fine sheen while you grow light-headed. The top of the hill grows ever closer and the terrible realization that you have no choice but to go over the edge has your heart pounding.

When it’s over, and the closing ceremony is complete, you look back, rubbing your sore cheeks, and bite your lip, wondering when you can experience this crazy, wild, horrendous feeling of helplessness and terror all bound together with arousal and acceptance that always leaves you a bit more in love and a lot more submissive than when you first stated an interest in BDSM.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

G is for Grotesque

 

“BDSM is Grotesque.”

A rather jarring headline, don’t you think? Sweeping in its condemnation and wholly without supporting documentation. A phrase that fits well in the fractured media of today. Allow me to don my lecturing fedora.

Like Baroque, Grotesque was originally created to describe a style of artwork. From Old Italian — (pittura) grottesca — simply meant ‘cave painting’, or ‘(Roman) pictures found in a grotto.’ Via Middle French and first recorded in English in 1561, the primary definition of the noun version of Grotesque is: a style of decorative art characterized by fanciful or fantastic human and animal forms often interwoven with foliage or similar figures that may distort the natural into absurdity, ugliness, or caricature.

The adjective arrived in 1603, and for our purposes matches up with the third of three definitions: of, relating to, or having the characteristics of the grotesque: departing markedly from the natural, the expected, or the typical.

Few would argue that Gothic architecture and 1960s concrete office buildings are both grotesque, yet they also have a beauty of form and function. BDSM is another such edifice; appearing to be strange, ugly — even frightening viewed from the outside and judged solely on appearances. The caricature of BDSM has found its high culture in Gor (even though the first Gor novel was published in 1966 and the term ‘BDSM’ was not in print until 1991) and that series is used as a whipping girl to label all D/s as perverse.

But again, if D/s departs ‘markedly’ from the natural, what exactly is being used to determine said ‘natural’ behavior? In statistics, there are two ways of measuring groups of numbers. The first is an average — adding all numbers and dividing by the total of entries — and the mean, which is taking that total number of entries and finding the point of equality with the same amount above as below. In other words, the average of 1, 5, 10, 12 and 99 is 25.4, but the mean is 10. That matters a whole lot when talking about the 1%, or the poverty line, or how many personal automobiles the average household owns. If the average participant in BDSM enjoys spanking, where does the mean fall when spanking is all over the place culturally?

Lastly, I like to think that grotesque can be utilized as a term of endearment. After all, most of us in D/s proudly claim the banner of being different. “Darling, your expertise with the paddle is grotesquely arousing. When can we do it again?”

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

F is for Fragility

“Move fast and break things” was quoted in Business Insider, October 1, 2009 during an interview with Mark Zuckerberg. The full quote is actually: “Unless you are breaking stuff, you are not moving fast enough.”

Time has shown the fallacy of that business model. [Not let it be said from a profitability standpoint]; but from the collateral damage to trust, truth and the overall well-being of the public. In fact, if there is one quote that can confidently be shown as the antithesis of how BDSM should work, it is Zuckerberg’s infamous mantra.

People are fragile, you need not but read the latest tragedy to realize that fact. Physical weakness aside though, it is in relationships where the worst cracks can appear caused by careless words and deeds. The care and feeding of D/s does not prosper when moving fast and breaking hearts.

On the other hand, fragility is not an ordained state of being for a submissive. One of the oft stated phrases might even be, “Go ahead, spank me harder, I won’t break.” And that brings up the key point in all this. Living a D/s lifestyle does not equate to tip-toeing around the fact that we’re fragile creatures. It requires an honest assessment of when and how fast to move so that the needs of all participants are being met. For the fragility of Doms is a truth often overlooked, and that is something that many are loath to admit.

Fragile: late 15th cent. (in the sense ‘morally weak’): from Latin fragilis, from frangere ‘to break.’ The sense ‘liable to break’ dates from the mid 16th cent.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

E is for Enraged

It’s been written that the English language has a word for everything. What doesn’t exist, is simply borrowed from another culture. The root of the most common words and phrases is Latin; that ‘dead’ language of science, medicine and diplomacy. Consider the following statement:

“The enraged supporters of _____ rave about _____ glowing pronouncements while foaming at the mouth with rabid vitriol directed upon those in opposition to their hero.”

Enrage: late 15th cent. (formerly also as inrage): from French enrager, from en– ‘into’ + rage ‘rage, anger.’

Rage: Middle English (also in the sense ‘madness’): from Old French rage (noun), rager (verb), from a variant of Latin rabies [late 16th cent.: from rabere ‘rave.’]

As the etymology above shows, enraged, rabid and rave, all stem from the same source. “Foaming at the mouth” is a physical description of a symptom of rabies, and as a descriptive phrase, means someone or someones caught in the grip of a maddening and uncontrollable rage.

Ignorance is bliss, comes from the poet Thomas Gray, who in 1742, wrote the poem, “Ode On A Distant Prospect Of Eton College“. The final two lines read:
No more; where ignorance is bliss,
‘Tis folly to be wise.

‘Twould be folly indeed to discount the enraged diatribes of wise elders. Except of course, when those fulminations are directed at oneself. We are, after all, enraged too.

While BDSM attracts its share of abuse, nothing — not the economy, religion, sports, politics — raises the ire of so many, as same-sex relationships. Spanking is now seen as a ‘safe’ kink, as is the mild bondage represented by furry handcuffs. Cosplay has made it to the mainstream thanks to video games and superheros. But while girl-on-girl action is a revered meme of pornography, IRL [in-real-life], lesbians are considered a threat to the moral fabric of society. There is nothing worse than two women in a sexual tryst, especially when they have the gall to get married!

“The evil that was unleashed in the Garden Of Eden has reached its deepest depravity in the travesty of perversity of so-called women’s emancipation.”

What’s that you say? There is worse than sapphic lust? Men? Together? In a non-binary opposing gender state? Gay?

Thus do the torches kindle, and banners unfurl, and marchers chant slogans of rage and violence towards those deemed enemies of the natural order. We all have a choice in how we react to the day’s events. While being enraged may feed the beast within, it seldom ends well for those infected with rabid hatred.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

D is for Disgusting

Disgust dates from the late 16th cent.: from early modern French desgoust or Italian disgusto, from Latin dis– (expressing reversal) + gustus ‘taste.’

Reversal of taste. An interesting concept. What is taste? Foremost it is the ability to discern food and beverages that are pleasing to the palate — which is itself a derivation of taste. When we say someone has ‘good taste’, we are not talking about a specific item to eat, but more of a sophisticated and civilized style of life. Someone who is glamorous, elegant, discerning. Someone who thinks IKEA is beyond the pale. To whom farm-to-table involves helicopters and couriers.

So how does this relate to BDSM?

“That’s disgusting!”
“What a disgusting habit!”
“You’re the most disgusting person!”
“Why do you read those disgusting blogs?”

I doubt anybody anywhere has ever said to someone involved in a D/s relationship that they have good taste. Outside the community that is. I’m talking about parents, relatives, co-workers; people that may equate fetishes to disgusting. Male penis in female vagina is normal: anything else is disgusting. But who decides what is in good taste? Community standards? Whose community?

To say something/someone is disgusting actually states that it is dangerous; dangerous in the way lack of taste can cause illness and even death through food poisoning. We instinctively know when food has gone off and through our upbringing and indoctrination, have expanded that wariness to all things that don’t fit the societal norm. The fact that we can’t detect someone else’s cultural norms, doesn’t even register in our minds.

“How can you eat that disgusting thing?”

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

C is for Capitulation

Definition: The action of surrendering or ceasing to resist an opponent or demand.

To many people in the modern world, capitulation is the very essence of what has gone wrong. The Borg may have droned: “Resistance is futile”, but to the angry masses, bread and circuses no longer work. The fact that political and monetary power have solidified in the hands of fewer than ever before [on a per capita basis, not absolute] makes the unwillingness to negotiate for crumbs even more pressing. The stark fact that to outsiders capitulation appears to be at the heart of BDSM: that does not make submission appear to be an attractive lifestyle.

For a female, submission is intrinsically linked to surrender. The ceasing of struggling against forces that are more powerful than the individual.

“Always keep your knees together.”
“Boys don’t make passes at girls with glasses.”
“No one wants a brainiac.”
“Sex is for marriage.”
“She’s a slut.”
“Did you see what she was wearing?”
“Everything online is perfect: you suck.”

Is it any wonder so many girls are lost?

It certainly seems counter-intuitive to claim that D/s can help a woman reclaim her power through willing capitulation, but the anecdotal evidence is compelling. What people don’t understand — both within and without the BDSM community — is that the opponent is not the Dom, it’s the Id. The part of you that reacts to stimuli and strives to blend in with the tribe you follow on Instagram. Your Dom is not demanding your surrender in order to ravage, but in order to help free the person you were before society’s mores forced an unwilling capitulation upon you.

D/s is a true partnership between equals who find things that both enjoy in a loving, respectful and most importantly, with honesty in a relationship with full knowledge, consent and trust.

Byron Cane

  • Corrupted

    Now available, "Corrupted", an anthology from Sexy Little Pages, including my short story, Ghosting Past Emily. Click the picture for ebookstore links.

  • Ghosting Past Emily — part of the Corrupted anthology

    After Amsterdam and Berlin, Tokyo was her favorite place to explore the latest in technological sexuality. Unlike in Europe though, in Japan she would always be gaijin, and the locals off limits to her needs. On the crowded streets of Ginza she felt the stares and heard the unspoken contempt, Go back to where you came from, which was something it had in common with America. She was too tall, too confident, too yellow and most of all, too female. She channeled the perceived insults into taboo actions.
    It was a tired and bitter Emily that touched down ten hours later in a San Francisco of bone-chilling damp and a watery rising sun. She needed a hard session at the Armory before returning to work on Monday. Her slave had better be ready to grovel and be pussy-whipped.

  • Purchase: The Case of the Disciplined Valentine

    Click the picture to purchase, The Case of the Disciplined Valentine.

  • The Case of the Disciplined Valentine

    A comedy of Victorian manners mixed with delicious spankings and sexual encounters guaranteed to raise even a vampire’s blood pressure. Byron Cane sets a torrid pace in his historical paranormal erotic novella.

    It is 1854 in steampunk London, and Sir Nachton MacRath is warily returning to his home isle after decades abroad. He has good reasons to steer clear of the Royal Family, but is immediately snared by the Queen herself, who anoints him, Her Chastiser of Loose Morals, complete with elevation to the upper reaches of the aristocracy. Rather than a quiet existence as a vampire, he is now a Peer uneasily rubbing shoulders with the most powerful men in the Empire.

    Phoebe Hayward is a lady of good breeding, but like all her contemporaries, longs for some excitement and romance. Valentine’s Day is only weeks away, when their paths cross with a bump. Despite later discovering the man ordered to discipline her is actually a vampire, she can’t help falling in love. The more encounters with Sir MacRath she has, the more her body yearns to know what it is to submit to his vampiric touch. When he reluctantly agrees to be her Valentine, thus begins a Domination and discipline the likes of which she’s never dreamed.

    MacRath doesn’t feel he deserves Phoebe’s love, and attempts to push her away by taking her deeper into sexual submission. She surprises him — and herself — by eagerly submitting to his every desire. Together, they explore the sensual heights that a woman and a man — a vampire — can reach. But politics and conflict are never far away, and the Valentine’s Day deadline comes all too soon.

    Note: The original version of this book was included in the Lust in Lace paranormal romance anthology.

  • Purchase: The Spanking Misadventures of Stephanie

    Purchase The Spanking Misadventures of Stephanie by clicking the picture.

    Pity poor Stephanie: twenty-five years old and still spanked daily. She was intelligent, a college graduate with honors, articulate, a fashionista with a good job and an all-round delightful person with never a cross word and always a genuine smile for everyone. It was to her misfortune that she also exuded an innocent sensual charm, leading both men and women to have one uppermost thought in their minds: spanking Stephanie’s spectacular and epic rounded bottom. It was not her fault; genetics had blessed her with both the ideal rear end and a delightful bewildered submissiveness. It simply never occurred to her to challenge her discipline. If someone needed to spank her, well, obviously she was guilty of some offense and thus deserved to be spanked.
    When Stephanie crashes (quite literally) into the life of Ross, high flying exec in the fashion world and eligible bachelor, she is stupefied he wants her as his. Under Ross’ tutelage, as Brat to his Sir, she learns that she can be spanked for more than just being naughty! And Ross — he discovers there’s much more to Stephanie than just her submissive need to be disciplined, as he falls more and more in love.
    A brilliantly funny, light-hearted, spanking erotic romance novella by Byron Cane, with memorable characters and a beautiful love story interwoven into the sexiness, lending a contemporary twist to the princess fairy tale.

  • Lust in Spring

    Click picture to go to Lust in Spring Amazon page

  • Lust in Spring anthology

    In Byron Cane's, The Witch of Olympus Hollow, it’s 1952, and Gale Johnson is outraged when her parents send her packing to a tiny town in Appalachia to visit the mysterious great aunt she has never met. In the foothills of North Carolina, Gale will discover a wondrous birthright. A lifetime of discipline and sexual satisfaction awaits, but her destiny comes at a cost.
  • Lust in Lace

    Purchase Lust in Lace on Amazon Kindle. Click picture to go to Amazon.

  • Lust in Lace anthology

    In Byron Cane's Sir MacRath Thrashes his Valentine, MacRath is a centuries-old vampire returning home after decades of absence. It is 1854 in steampunk London, and Her Majesty has appointed MacRath Her Chastiser of Loose Morals. Phoebe Hayward is a lady of good breeding, but quite a handful. Despite discovering the man ordered to discipline her is actually a vampire, she can’t help falling in love. MacRath will ensure she is well punished and dominated in all ways as befits his naughty Valentine.
  • PNRLUST

  • Paranormal Erotic Romance

    Come visit the Paranormal Erotic Romance website for information about the Lust anthology series. Read Lust by the Sea, Lust on the Wing, Lust in Tooth and Claw, Lust in Winter and Lust in Lace.

  • ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ Oops. Does that date me? These are the top posts.

  • Back writing 6/30/16 short stories and a spanking novel